Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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