Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
