i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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