pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
