First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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