we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am naked and annoyed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
