I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
