I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
