I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
