Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
