Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
