So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
