i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize