I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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