I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize