how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
