I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
