I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize