Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
NoShamevember. You game?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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