I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Randomize