Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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