Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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