wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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