i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
