You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
