So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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