I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
