Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
