My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
