I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
