My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
