would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
