; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
wrigley field is MILF paradise
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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