Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
