Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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