I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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