By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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