all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
