I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
