Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
