eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have aggressive nipples.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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