I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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