i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
