I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize