Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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