Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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