I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
