I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
