no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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