And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
