How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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