so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
