East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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