dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
