Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
