its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize