i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
