I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
