A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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