Betty ford says i'm here all night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize