this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
