It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
