he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
