You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
