I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
