You're so nebulous sometimes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
