Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
