It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
