that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
