Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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