If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
