How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
