his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize