I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
