Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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